69. Psychological strategies: getting the other party to give up automatically, appearing as a third party, creating a dilemma.

Make the other party give up automatically

When the other party makes a request that we cannot fulfill, we try to create the illusion that we have done our best to help them, so that they will have no choice but to give up their request.

For example, when someone makes a request that you cannot fulfill, you can follow these steps: First, reply, "I understand your opinion, please rest assured, I will try my best to do it." A few days later, inform the other party, "My section chief is away on an urgent business trip these few days. I will report to him immediately when he returns next week." A few days later still, tell the other party, "I have conveyed your request to my section chief, and he has promised to discuss it seriously at the company meeting." Even if the matter is ultimately left unresolved, you will still leave a good impression on the other party because you have created the illusion that you "tried your best."

People usually keep their requests in mind. But if they don't get a response for a long time, they will feel that the other party doesn't value their problem, and resentment and dissatisfaction will arise. Conversely, even if you can't meet the other party's request, as long as you can make an effort, the other party will not complain, and may even be grateful and take the initiative to withdraw the request that has put you in a difficult position.

Appearing as a third party

To get people to open up, direct questioning is rarely effective. For example, when surveying unmarried women about their sexuality, if you bluntly ask, "What are your thoughts on cohabitation before marriage?" they will likely stammer or even give irrelevant answers. However, by probing indirectly and asking them to express their opinions from a third-party perspective, you will achieve satisfactory results.

When people speak as a third party, they are discussing the "general" rather than personal opinions, thus relieving the speaker of a sense of responsibility and psychological pressure. Therefore, it's easy to naturally "borrow" the words of others to express one's true thoughts. Experienced leaders often use this method to inquire about their subordinates' opinions, asking, "What do young people think of our company's work?" At this point, subordinates will readily offer their opinions. Therefore, when you encounter such a situation, don't casually reveal your thoughts to others, or you'll suffer the consequences.

Using a "dilemma" constraint to get the other party to answer

The so-called "dilemma" involves presenting two options to the other party during negotiations, cleverly limiting their choices to those favorable to your side. Although a third option may exist, in such situations, the other party's first reaction is often to choose the first or second option without further consideration. This is a sophisticated psychological tactic.

In some restaurants, as customers are finishing their meal, waiters will approach and ask, "After your meal, we will serve watermelon or beef shank. Which would you like?" While customers could easily answer that they don't need either, most people, faced with this question, forget they have the right to choose and instead feel pressured to choose one. Then, after the fruit arrives, they regret not ordering it because they can't eat it. This is a clever business tactic. If the waiter had asked, "Would you like some fruit after your meal?" you probably wouldn't have.

This kind of "dilemma" method confines a person's thinking to a narrow space, giving others the illusion that there are no other options. If used appropriately, this technique can be very beneficial.

Talk to the other person more about your difficult experiences.

Humans are complex emotional beings. When someone discovers that your fate is similar to theirs, or even worse, their guard is easily lowered, and jealousy instantly turns into a sense of closeness.

Former Japanese Prime Minister Kakuei Tanaka's popularity in Japan is likely due not only to his talent and achievements but also to his personal experiences. His arduous journey to becoming Prime Minister, a position he fought for for many years, evoked public sympathy. This illustrates how people's feelings are often influenced by past experiences. Even if someone is of higher status, the initial jealousy can quickly transform into a sense of closeness once the other person shares similar past misfortunes with oneself.

Some singers or actors also use this technique for self-promotion in order to increase their popularity and expand their influence. Therefore, there are many necessary conditions to become a rising star, one of which is to gain people's sympathy through a difficult journey.

Exploiting people's psychological weakness of believing in justice

It can be said that everyone's understanding of happiness and contentment is different, even vastly different. An ambitious tycoon may not be satisfied with his vast wealth, while some people, though not rich, feel happy and content. This means that whether a person is content is not entirely determined by the amount of money they have. The same applies to rewards.

If an employee receives a bonus from their supervisor, will they be satisfied with the amount? The amount of the bonus itself isn't the main issue; as long as it's within the typical range, the employee won't feel dissatisfied. What the employee is most concerned about is the bonuses and amounts received by colleagues with similar qualifications. If this employee has made significant contributions to the company but receives a smaller bonus than colleagues with average contributions, they will inevitably be dissatisfied, and it might even lead to a major dispute.

Therefore, when it comes to compensation, the amount is secondary; the principle of fairness and reasonableness is paramount. Even if a company employee's salary is low, as long as it is "fair and reasonable," the employee will accept it willingly. Thus, it is essential to learn to use a facade of fairness to conceal underlying injustices in order to maintain employee morale.

Making the other person feel relaxed and happy despite carrying a heavy burden.

In Tokyo, Japan, you often see real estate advertisements that read: "Apartment for sale, just a 75-minute direct bus ride from Tokyo Station." If the "75 minutes" were changed to "1 hour and 15 minutes," the number of buyers would drastically decrease. This is because people would perceive the apartment as far from Tokyo. The reason is obvious: psychologically, minutes are 60 times smaller than hours. Time in minutes feels short, while time in hours feels long. Advertisers exploit this psychology, deliberately changing the time unit and using words like "direct" and "just" to emphasize speed, making viewers clearly believe the apartment is close to Tokyo.

This is a technique for using numbers. Even though it is the same quantity, simply changing the unit, either increasing or decreasing it, can miraculously reduce a person's psychological burden, making a heavy burden feel very light, and making them willing to carry it.

There are countless examples of cleverly using numbers in daily life. For instance, the sales tactic of offering installment payments is a prime example of this. In Japan, a refrigerator might cost 40,000 yen, but the price tag states: "For just 1,800 yen per month, you can own a high-quality refrigerator." Most housewives passing by this price tag will feel it's a bargain, only to realize the burden of monthly payments and discover it's not actually cheap.

For example, if a housewife gives her husband 50 yuan of pocket money every month, her husband will definitely feel that it is too little and will not be satisfied. However, if she gives her husband 300 yuan for 6 months at once and says, "It's only been half a year, and I'm giving you 300 yuan of pocket money," her husband will definitely be very happy because the latter way of giving money greatly increases the sense of quantity.